the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
