Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
