I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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