well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
