How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
