It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
