these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
