why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
