So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
