6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
