Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
