Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
foreskin is a definite game changer
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
