Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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