Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
