i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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