I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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