She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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