Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
