Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I would fuck him just for his dog
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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