Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
