WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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