doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
