Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
