It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
