bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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