What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
