Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
