He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Randomize
