just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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