he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
