i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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