Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
