dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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