dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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