so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
