I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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