I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
