so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
