so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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