you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
