Are we in a gay sports bar?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
