do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
