That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
