Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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