You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You can't motorboat a personality
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
