The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
