shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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