im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
