have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
