Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
